Remembrance: A Short Story

There are few times in my life when I can recall the feeling of being stabbed in the stomach. There was a time when the man I loved told me he didn’t care for me. There was the time when a beloved pet died. The last time was in 2014 when my mother told me she was dead to me. A scissoring pain was immediately felt in my stomach. This scissoring pain has killed any future children in my womb. I’ll explain…I refuse to have a baby. What if turned out like her? A person who didn’t trust anyone.

I spent that day curled up in bed crying trying to figure out where it all went wrong. All I wanted was a normal relationship with her that consisted of telling her of my adventures and making sure she was okay. There are a lot of creeps in the world and quite frankly; I’d feel safer if she wasn’t in such a big city. There were times when she tried my patience like suggesting I was a loser. Yes, I suppose I have led a very nonconformist lifestyle. When I was in trouble; I’d ask her to bail me out despite being an adult. I’d try to exhaust all options other than asking for money. If you can’t find work; you can’t find work.

There were moments when I felt extremely close to her as we enjoyed happy hour cocktails in my favorite beach side Bali bar. She told me of a cool way to toast.

May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in each other’s arms.
If you must steal, steal kisses.
If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends.

We watched the sunset on Seminyak Beach. Then there was our last night together. I knew it would be a very long time before I saw her again. The sadness overwhelmed me, but I didn’t show it. Perhaps I should’ve shown it?

She was my favorite travel buddy even though we spent about 40% of the time together. We’ve always been like oil and vinegar…combined for a short amount if time before we began to separate.

At that moment; I tried to work things out with her friend of many years. She insisted that I try to work things out with her, but I didn’t want the drama. Each time I thought of calling or writing, a sixth sense told me not to. That I would only be greeted with a cold two sentence response.

Now, I’m in her city after four months in Vietnam. I don’t like it here. However in order to get my Spanish work visa, it was imperative that I return to my home region. My time is occupied working at menial jobs to save money for Spain. “Only one month…only one month,” I keep telling myself. At least I managed to get one writing gig which will help cover my first month’s expenses.

Should I call her? Will I be greeted with hostility? I’m a coward…I know. It saddens me to think I have no family, but sometimes things happen for a reason. I’m an atheist now, believing in the now rather than the after. She will always be in my heart, and I wish her the absolute best in life.

————-the end.————————————————————————————————————————————

First of all, I’m so sorry for not keeping this blog up! I was busy preparing for the full moon party in Vietnam as well as writing (a-hem for profit) and teaching English. I’m back in Chicago awaiting my visa. Then I’ll be back in my beloved Spain. Jerez de la Frontera will be my home for the next two years. This city’s known for their sherry, flamenco and horseback riding.

jerez   6735276187_eebca3e7f9_b

Ahhh….I’M SO EXCITED!!!

After the hell of being back in Chicago; I cannot wait to sit in square such as this while savoring a glass of sherry. My plans this year will include studying flamenco, taking some copywriting courses and becoming fluent in Spanish. This is quite necessary since I plan to apply to the Master’s program offered by Instituto Franklin in Madrid.

I still cannot believe how many jobs refused to hire me stating that I’ve overqualified. One place even told me that if I continued working as an administrative assistant instead of “hopping off to places unknown,” they would’ve hired me. So….TRAVEL is NOT valued in Chicago. I should’ve stayed in my depressing position at Wolters Kluwer with a temporary worker who bought everyone’s affections while surreptitiously coveting my job. I should’ve continued working with people who tried their best to make me feel unwanted. The managing editor was the only one I held in high esteem. She wouldn’t even respond to my e-mail of arriving safely in Madrid. This cut to the core.

Since I’ve got a month to go; I’ve managed to procure a serving job and some “ten a penny” sales job. It’s my fault. The best jobs require a lengthy hiring process. Well…I don’t have time for that!

What are you guys up to? Where are you? Any suggestions on good travel related books to read?

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