Becca in Retrospect: A Lonely Life in Spain

Life in Madrid has been very lonely for me. Those of you that know me, KNOW I’m a very sociable person. I’m out often and have no problems conversing with anyone. Hell, I’ve been to Ibiza how many times??? Still if one of the funniest and sociable men alive, Stephen Fry of Monty Python fame could attempt suicide, what does this say about our society?


Stephen Fry: An Absolute Fucking Genius

The negative connotations associated with loneliness are being socially awkward, introverted and pathetic.
Am I pathetic? I moved half way across the world and didn’t know a single soul here. This takes guts and I’ve got them by the truckload. My next stop will be Bali and then perhaps Japan. Eh…I have the pleasure of being able to go wherever I want in the world. I’m not socially awkward, but can be introverted at times.

However, I’ve only met one person with whom I feel I can trust and with whom I’ve allowed to puncture a hole through the steel box in which I placed my heart. The others have been acquaintances, who told me to ask my friends when I moved from a bad roommate situation. Perhaps if I met a few more, I’d stay in Spain and wouldn’t be off to Bali for God knows how long. Spain is one of the friendliest countries in the world, but it’s not easy to really get to know people here. I believe all of the Spaniards I’ve met have long ties of friendship to a laundry list of people.

What a Friend Means to Me…

I don’t take the word “friend” lightly. I will not pretend to like you if I don’t. I will not keep you on my Facebook page in order to have a high number of “friends.” I will not tell you I’m going to do something and then not do it. A friend to me consists of the usual qualities: dependable and caring. I believe it goes further. A friend is someone that doesn’t beat around the bush with you. If you invite them to something, you’ll get some kind of confirmation immediately because your time is valued by them. It’s not a person who says “yes” to everything and then cancels at the last minute. A friend makes time for you and includes you in their life. It’s a person with whom you can talk about anything and not just superficial time filling chatter. You can enjoy the silence comfortably.


In all honesty, I’m really SICK of meeting assholes…male and female. I’m angry. It also seems I’ll be alone for the rest of my life since I’m a big, opinionated, graceless woman who would prefer playing chess in some surfer bar while wearing a faded Bintang t-shirt and 10 year old shorts. This is in opposition to a skin tight dress which barely covers my vagina with sky high heels while putting on airs in the V.I.P. room. I don’t know…perhaps Bali will be different. Perhaps not. I’m going there to work on me. The plan is to study Indonesian, Balinese dance, batik painting, write and meditate.

Let’s hope “me” works out.


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